Month: November 2022

I am Fragile and Vulnerable

D. Michl LoweLeave a comment

I was recently asked to give a talk with a reading group through our church about my book, Prayers from the Valley. They are going to be reading it soon and in February I am supposed to go speak about it. I have struggled with that. What should I talk about that I haven’t already said in the book? For me, writing the book was spiritually cleansing and maybe a form of therapy. I was recently reading a website post from Steve Laube a literary agent whom I have sent purposed books in the past.

In the article, he talks about how books about sick kids or their parents are often not published because those books are so common. Many people write books after such experiences and if every one of them was published by a major publishing company, then the market would be flooded. This makes sense. Basically, if you aren’t already established as an author, have a large reading base, or are famous, that form of a book just won’t sell well. It also makes sense why my book was (kindly) rejected by his firm.

However, in that article, he also said that you should write the book anyway. Specifically for the reason’s I listed above. For those of us who write, writing is a way to process life. Be it through poetry (not me, hahaha), fiction, non-fiction, or just a journal, the process of placing words on a page creates a meaningful understanding of the life and ideas presented. In my book, I needed to process the spiritual implications that I don’t have everything figured out. That I am not the one in control. That God is NEEDED in my life. Basically, I am vulnerable and still in need of God.

The other day in church, I felt the spiritual need to stand up and testify to the congregation. I told them, that I wanted to tell them what I was thankful for. What I said, in short, was that I was thankful for our church for serving the church community and the community at large in South Charleston, WV. Specifically, I am thinking about the ways in which our church becomes “Jesus with skin on.” I have looked, but I can’t find where that phrase comes from. I know it’s a reference to John 1, where it says, “he became flesh and made his dwelling among us.” But other than that, I’m still not sure. However, my church does this well.

Just over the course of the last two years, in our church and many other places, there has been extreme loss and pain. We nearly lost Katarina and many in our church and many connected to our church did lose their lives. Each time, the family of God stood up and entered into life with those still here. They prayed, they loved, and they were there. I am thankful for the community of God that is Jesus with skin on for those who need Jesus.

Over the last two years, I have learned that I need Jesus, not just as my spiritual heavenly father, but I need Him in the form of other believers. I need that Jesus with skin on, to enter into my life and hold me at times. Realizing this, I have found myself taking on that role as well. Looking for ways to be Jesus with skin on for others. How can I hold the lost and lonely? How can I enter into life and be with the hurting and the hateful? Sometimes I find myself frustrated with someone or feeling betrayed and I suddenly think, how can I show this person love? How can I be Jesus with skin on for this person?

Am I vulnerable? Yes, absolutely yes. Am I frail? I am. Does that position me to be vulnerable to others’ pain? Yes, thankfully, yes.

D. Michl Lowe

Rating: 1 out of 5.

I Saved Over The Book I’m Writing! 😳

D. Michl LoweLeave a comment

At the beginning of the week, I deleted my book. Well, to be clearer, I saved over it in Microsoft Word. As soon as it happened, I realized the error. Hours later, I couldn’t get it back. The whole thing was seemingly gone. I paced back and forth, extremely upset. It wasn’t anger at the computer or really anything other than anger at myself. It was my mistake. I thought that OneDrive had been backing up my documents for me, but it hadn’t. If I were a man who cursed, there would have been cursing.

After a while, I remembered I had uploaded a version of the book to Amazon as a test a while back. I logged in and downloaded the document. It was mostly complete, save for about two of the newest chapters and hours of editing. Another issue was that the document was not in Word, it was a PDF version. I can convert a PDF to Word, that’s not an issue, but the formatting would be all off, which it was. So, in the end, I had to take my blank book format and recopy the PDF page by page into the blank book document formatted how I do my books.

This entire week, I have been working on and off trying to get myself back to where I was on the project. Currently, I am working on the last chapter that I had deleted. Most of the edits have been re-completed now. While I was at it, I also did some major formatting that I had been meaning to do anyway. Since I was going page by page, I might as well get that done while I was at it. Near the beginning of the week, I sent my author friend Justin Crary, author of Archangel, a message detailing what had happened. He replied, “Look at it this way, what you write now will inevitably be better and if God intended it to happen, it will be exponentially better. Heck, even if He didn’t intend for it to happen. He works all things for good.”

I sent a message back to him, “-glare- there you go, bringing spiritual truth into my anger…” But he was right of course. As I am working on this last chapter of the book that I deleted, I already can tell it’s better. The narrative isn’t as rushed, which I often have trouble with. I am calmer in writing it and better paced. I feel good about my mistake. It isn’t clear to me if it was divine providence yet, but for all, I know it could be. Sometimes, God must take you by the scruff of the neck and tell you to slow down. To look at what you are doing and make sure it is honoring Him. I hope everything I write honors Him. Even the fun stuff, like a fantasy novel.

D. Michl Lowe